Hey everyone, here's my first "rant". It's not really a rant it's more of just a passionate speech. Here it is:
People have no respect for ewoks. Those cute, furry little creatures from Star Wars are completely neglected. I mean, what’s not to like? Sure, ewoks aren’t actually real, ewoks aren’t as smart as humans, ewoks are short, blah blah blah.
See, it shouldn’t matter if ewoks aren’t real, I mean, neither is Star Trek, neither is Harry Potter, but we like them, don’t we? So why don’t people like ewoks?
Also, ewoks aren’t as smart as humans. So? Dogs and cats aren’t either and we love them and keep them for pets, so why not ewoks?
Lastly, ewoks are short. Again, so? A lot of humans are short too, plus, it’s not their fault, so why does anyone even care?
Another thing that annoys me is that people don’t care about insulting ewoks in public. Like one evening I was watching a video on Youtube and the rest of my family was watching LOST. I wasn’t really listening but something caught my ear. I heard Hurley saying: “Face it dude, ewoks suck.” And that’s just one example.
The reason ewoks are awesome is because, well, look at the facts. They (especially Wicket) helped the rebels defeat the empire, they set awesome traps, and they can defeat walkers with LOGS. Yes, LOGS. Also they are extremely cute, which some people are annoyed by but I think it’s great to have something like that in a world where most of the creatures are slimy, ugly, and gross.
I hope that someday, people will realize how amazing ewoks really are.
Thanks for reading and there will be another one tomorrow so come back then!
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Lads,
ReplyDeleteI've always felt sad that the Ewoks rant has
never drawn a comment. Hence, my choice of
said rant's comment-area as repository for this latest hello to both of you.
Yet, perhaps even more sadly, I can't really react to the the Ewok item, either--the
charm or basic interest of Ewoks being terminally veiled to me.
I apologize.
Nonetheless, I want you to know that various
forest creatures have brought me news of the
spectacle you both created at Halloween.
Nice work.
The idea of Phil dressing up as Ulrich Zwingli--well, it was not only inspired, but,
obviously, it must have also been magical!
And his older brother--yeah, you, I'm talking to you, pal--costumed as the small intestine
of an otter...
Well, I only wish I had been there. The animals here, as I say, couldn't get over what
they had heard about it. They all wish they could hoard nuts for both of you all winter.
Take the compliment.
Have you ever seen the film POPEYE? I've been
reading a fantastic oral biography of the
brilliant filmmaker Robert Altman, and he
says it's really a movie that human beings
your age "get" and love, far more than adult
viewers do.
Well, a bell is ringing. It might be real, and
it might be in my head. Either way, I will
write again as soon as possible, because I
have barely cleared my throat in this
billet.
Your faithful scribe,
AM
Striplings,
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm back, only moments later.
You can stop holding your breath now.
I am moved to a desperately
poignant reminiscence--one apropos of my previous post.
When I was your age (bet you wish you had a
yuan--which will soon be the basis of our coin in America if things proceed on schedule
--for every time someone
has said "when I was your age" to you), or
perhaps much younger (but post-fetal), I
used to clap my little hands with glee as
I watched Popeye cartoons on TV.
And I will never forget the day I saw the
particular cartoon in which Popeye's
nephews were identified by name.
No, I don't know who their parents were. I
never heard anyone say whether or not Popeye
had a brother or a sister. Maybe there was
a scandal of some kind. I can't say. I don't
know. Stop asking me. Quit it.
Anyway, here's the thing: the kids were named...
Are you ready? Make sure you're near a toilet!
Peepeye, Pepeye, and Poopeye!
Isn't that great? I can still remember how
excited I was to have an excuse to say a
word that was not "poop" that still had the
word "poop" in it!
Oh, my. Those, to quote good old Mary Hopkin,
really were the days.
Nowadays, of course, two high rollers like
you guys need a lot more than "Poopeye"
to float your boats. You're sophisticated
men of the world, as comfortable polishing
your twin black Maseratis as you are walking your twin white Rottweilers, as fluent in ancient Flemish as you are assembling exquisite satays.
Still, perhaps my little memory, and its
telling, has pleased you.
Indeed, being your liege, I devotedly hope
so.
Phil, have they stopped picking on you?
The forest creatures--bless them--are desperate to know, and have volunteered to
come to you swiftly and descend on your
bucktoothed, addlebrained adversaries much like the avians did in Alfred Hitchcock's THE BIRDS.
So, just keep their kind offer in mind.
Staunch support, I would say!
Next time, I'll write about my new home (you
recall I had to burn the old one down because
of the smell).
May I say "Poopeye" one more time?
Thank you!
Your barnacle-bustin' buddy,
The Ancient Mariner