Nevertheless, if you are one of those people who read the books and think the movies are better (we know you're out there), leave us now and never return. If you only ever bothered to watch the movies, perhaps you can stay to see what you're missing, but tread carefully, we're sensitive. If, like us, you are disappointed in the movies as a representation of the books, and really as movies period, we welcome you as brothers and sisters. If while watching the movie you said, "HEY, NO, WAIT, HE DRANK ALL THE FELIX FELICIS! TH-THAT'S NOT RIGHT! D-d-did you see that?? Did you???? That can't be!!" then you are truly welcome, and we warmly invite you to make angry faces along with us while reading. It's assumed you've seen the movie, but there are also spoilers for book 7. Alert systems will be set up to protect you and your family (just highlight over the spoiler text to see it), but as a general rule we frown upon those who are still behind. Oh, and we also ban Twi-hards. Not cool, people, not cool.
Now, don't get us wrong, the new movie is a colossal improvement on the previous one, and perhaps even on 3 and 4 also. However, the entire movie franchise has been doomed from the start, namely because they started before the 5th book came out, and therefore weren't able to scope out the arc of the story, or include details early on that become important later (like Harry's eye color... grumble grumble). But this latest movie was, in fact, funny--a shocking twist in the sullen, grimy world of Harry's adolescence. Grrr. The movie put too much emphasis on certain plot lines and diminished others while still managing to cut out key elements everywhere and ill-represent what was left--an admirable feat for, say, a politician, but not a movie.
A prime example is the romance plot lines. They were about half the movie, and every one had cheesy dialogue and bad acting. Or how about the whole Half-Blood Prince mystery, which was only vaguely mentioned in cozy common room chats, so when Snape billowed around and announced that he was the Half-Blood prince, we were like, "Oh. Huh. Really. Um, neat?" Nothing of the "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG NO WAY!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! BUT IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE, WAIT OH NO THAT MEANS, NOOOO WAAAAAY! BUT HOW?........cool" that we got in the book.
Another plot line debacle, Quidditch, was absent unless important to the romance plots. That, and the most important element of these intertwining stories, Cormac McLaggan, wasn't nearly as hate-able as in the book, whereas in previous movies Dobby was a serious rival to Jar-Jar as far as deep mental pain was concerned. We never saw enough of Cormac being a jerk, and never saw Ginny play Cho (Catfight!) because Harry had detention, which was also conveniently left out of the movie. Speaking of, they also left out that great scene where Snape suspects Harry of having the potions book and has the reader freaking out and frantically skimming while Harry panics and quickly hides the book in the Room of Requirement in the midst of a desperate haze, not as some lame "romantic" scene with Ginny (quite possibly also a desperate haze). By the way, the RoR is supposed to be cathedral size, warmly lit, and generally exciting and intriguing--not some pawn-market-back-room-closet thing.
A little intermission from plots here: dueling. It was despicably lame. Harry would wave his wand, there would be a crack and a flash of WHITE light--heaven forbid something with color or specificity--and the Death Eater of the Day would whip his or her wand menacingly and another flash would crack, once again nothing being said, (which the youngsters would never have been able to pull off in that situation) and no one would go anywhere. Oh, and I'm pretty sure the Death Eaters never even attacked anyone with their wands! What the heck?! They just traveled around as spooky black smoke! Actually, a more accurate term for traveling would be prolonged bouncing. Land, growl, twirl, smoke up, move to ten feet away, twist, land, growl, repeat for best results. Besides, everyone knows smoky is the LOST monster's turf. And as if their lack of individually colored spells wasn't enough, they didn't even give good and bad different colors! Star Wars distinguished sides by laser color, at least in the Original Trilogy! You knew who was blowing up the big hunk of metal this time because good was red, and bad was green! Yeah, you know what I'm talking about! But nooooo, we need vague "spells," because it's far more important that we concentrate on Harry's heavy-breathing, jaw-jutting, eyebrow-furrowing concern for Ginny!
Now back to plot lines, namely the most interesting one (in my opinion) of the book: Tom Riddle's history. Most of Dumbledore and Harry's exploration of Voldemort's past and back story was completely left out. None of the House of Gaunt memories, no Hepzibah Smith, or asking for a job. None! And of the two that they did have, the orphanage meeting was done poorly and spliced so as to leave out any clever lines or spooky foreshadowing, and the Horcrux questioning didn't put nearly enough weight on the horror and monstrosity of the action and the realization that Voldemort did it seven times! (Though I gotta admit, young Voldy was creeepy.) Oh, and a small side note: the pensive memories are supposed to be a gas/liquid hybrid, not some sort of soapy water! And what's with all the people appearing in smoke like Death Eaters? It's not ominous, people, just weird. I don't know what they're going to do in the 7th book when Harry needs to have seen the ring (which is the RESURRECTION STONE for crying out loud) and the Hufflepuff cup. It's VITAL INFORMATION!!! But its movie time is less important than seeing Harry look wistfully at Ginny.
Now, lets just talk about the ending and the extra scene, the latter obviously supposed to replace the original former. I think it was meant to make us really hate the Death Eaters and to be an unsettling blow to a formerly safe haven, the Burrow. But the Burrow is never considered a particularly safe place until the 7th book, and Hogwarts has always been THE ultimate shelter, and it's the one invaded and ruined in number seven! In the movie, we never see Dumbledore take off the protective enchantments around Hogwarts, which is a BIG DEAL!!! Hogwarts is barely safe anymore! It's vulnerable, not only for the lack of Dumbly, but for the absence of his spells as well! And seriously guys, Dumbledore and Harry can apparate to the Astronomy tower, but Smokies can't? So, what, Hogwarts has a smoke shield?? My backyard grill has one of those!!! And I can't believe the Death eaters just ran away after killing Dumbledore! Ooooo they broke windows? That's what drunk teenagers do. Not cold-hearted, blood-thirsty servants of the most evil man ever to live! And snuffing out the candles, wow, to do that you'd have to have, like, a breeze. I mean, really!? What was that spell called, the Fart of Doom??! Oh, wait, that would've actually been cool--there would at least have been billowing fire!! I mean that last scene in the book was a gut-wrenching wake up call to the monstrosity that this war was! The teachers and friends were fighting for their lives and their school! Not only that, but Harry saves some of the Felix for his friends, a sign of caring and foresight that Danny boy has never been able to pull off, perhaps due to the fact that it's never, ever in the script. The best part in the book was seeing the teachers fighting, seeing them step up and kick some Death Eater butt! Yeah!! Sorry. But seriously, that entire scene was unsettling and disorienting in the book, and set the tone for the sequel. But all we got in the movie was Harry being stupid and running after Death Eaters. Again.
And finally, Dumbledore's death. First of all, the Avada Kedavra curse was blue. Blue. Or maybe cyan. Perhaps aquamarine. But I digress. The point is, it's not green, which is explicitly stated in the books about every single time. I mean, the one spell you give color, the ONE SPELL, the MOST IMPORTANT ONE IN THE BOOK, you get wrong. And I admit, I cried when he died in the book. But all I could think about in the movie when we got the slow-mo shot was, "Hey, he looks like he's doing the backstroke!" Or, "I hope when they bury him they take off that stupid beard ring." Much to my DISAPPOINTMENT, however, I NEVER GOT TO FIND OUT, because WE NEVER SAW DUMBLEDORE'S FUNERAL! NOTHING! And just to put that in perspective, we had a lengthy funeral scene for AARAGOG! AARAGOG!! But not DUMBLEDORE?!???!?!!! And what was with the wand-raising? This is a tragic death, not a FREEBIRD ENCORE! What on earth??!?!?
[Sigh]. All in all it was a letdown. Granted, better than any of the movies in a while, but still, it didn't stay true even to the spirit of the book(s). I'll give them some props, however, for the fact that the Malfoy plot line was done very well, and I could've sworn I saw the bust with the tiara in the Room of Requirement, but I get delirious when angry.
And I'm of course exaggerating in much of what I say. I'm just having fun (but it's NOT FUNNY! RAAR!). I just want a good representation of the wonderful books. Heck, I might settle for a good movie. I didn't have very many problems with the Lord of the Rings movies, because they took so much care to really bring the book to life; they really invested in it. And I feel as if the HP people don't. They just want to make a blockbuster with an actor, who, in the words of my sister, "Only acts by jutting out his jaw and breathing hard." I want to be able to see the movies on TV and say, "Oooo, let's watch," not have acid and bile well up in the pit of my stomach. Not really, but you get my point. In fact, Harry Potter might be better outside of the Silver Screen.
This is now Philip. I of course agree heartily with every word of this very special guest rant and I thank Jacob for doing this. We encourage you to share your insights and grievances in the comments, but please, only about Harry Potter. We don't want to hear about your back problems. And, for the record, Jacob is only 3 years and 11 months older than me.
(BTW, sorry this took so long. A lot of revising, and trying to get my sister to write something [obviously unsuccessfully] is time consuming. Plus, it's summer.)
[Sigh]. All in all it was a letdown. Granted, better than any of the movies in a while, but still, it didn't stay true even to the spirit of the book(s). I'll give them some props, however, for the fact that the Malfoy plot line was done very well, and I could've sworn I saw the bust with the tiara in the Room of Requirement, but I get delirious when angry.
And I'm of course exaggerating in much of what I say. I'm just having fun (but it's NOT FUNNY! RAAR!). I just want a good representation of the wonderful books. Heck, I might settle for a good movie. I didn't have very many problems with the Lord of the Rings movies, because they took so much care to really bring the book to life; they really invested in it. And I feel as if the HP people don't. They just want to make a blockbuster with an actor, who, in the words of my sister, "Only acts by jutting out his jaw and breathing hard." I want to be able to see the movies on TV and say, "Oooo, let's watch," not have acid and bile well up in the pit of my stomach. Not really, but you get my point. In fact, Harry Potter might be better outside of the Silver Screen.
This is now Philip. I of course agree heartily with every word of this very special guest rant and I thank Jacob for doing this. We encourage you to share your insights and grievances in the comments, but please, only about Harry Potter. We don't want to hear about your back problems. And, for the record, Jacob is only 3 years and 11 months older than me.
(BTW, sorry this took so long. A lot of revising, and trying to get my sister to write something [obviously unsuccessfully] is time consuming. Plus, it's summer.)
